I just got back from my third monthly visit with Dr. Johnson, my psychologist. She's the one who can sign prescriptions legally. She's very non-emotional. I don't likeher that much; she creeps me out, honestly.

The first time I had to see her, I imagined an office with seemingly pointless books lining the shelves, a computer, at least two chairs, both leather, and a leather sofa. The sofa would be against the wall so you can't look out of the panelled wood office, and a large old-fashioned clock would chime in the corner next to the chair. Lighting would be dim.

So when I first went to the office, I was a little surprised, but not much. The first thing I saw upon opening of the door was a leather couch.

But so to repeat, she's not personal at all. She's like an inhuman thing rattling off pre-designated questions-"Do you do drugs? Do you smoke? Are you in a gang? Have you tried to kill yourself before?"-stuff like that. I really didn't want to answer anything because I had just met her. It was creepy. She asked if I cut too, which of course I did, as you know, and she asked to see the scars. I rolled up one of the legs of my jeans, and when she saw the slightly recent pink lines running around my leg, she didn't even blink, just wrote something else on her legal pad. Oh, that's another thing. I figured she'd do that too. To me, it seems impolite, like you aren't listening when someone's telling you intimate secrets.

But so today I went in the office in my normal attire, and the entire time I was talking about anything, She'd keep moving her eyes from my face to my wrists, shielded with bracelets. I'm fairly positive she suspected, as she should have, cuz there's a number of scratches there. But so after that, and the stories of my two little 'sad attacks' as mom calls them, I guess her upping my dosage is expected. And it's only forty mgs now, instead of twenty. The high dosage for prozac is 60-80. I'm still in the lower half.

And she said I have an 'anti-depressant thought process.' A lot of good that's doing me.

Company, people I don't know, are here. So I'll probably write more later.